do you know what I feel when I think about suicide?
it’s the most soothing feeling
to know that I can leave whenever I want
if things get pretty bad
and it’s the most uncomfortable feeling
to know I can leave whenever I want
and things are pretty bad
yet I’m here
I feel so ashamed for still trying
after nineteen years of failing
I'm dumb enough to still try
I have nothing
all I've got are my wrists and these words coming out of them
you need to speak in a firmer voice
they're always telling me
but I won't speak in a firmer voice
what the hell a firm voice is?
is it how my dad talked to me when I was little
is it how my teacher told me I'd never amount to anything because of the way I am
or is it how the guy I loved didn't say a word when he left?
speaking firmly to broken minds
I don't want to talk to people in a scaring way
people have done that to me
I still do that to me
I wish I could shrink myself to the size of a peach
then it'd be quiet
the quiet quietness lying over me
a sun beam parking aside my ear
and the tears.
nothing more than a confused, anger blur.